Complete List of FCC-Approved Late Night Monologue Set-Ups
In keeping with the new federal policy of having the FCC approve all late night TV content, the following list of monologue set-ups has been approved for host use:
“Hey what’s the deal with airline peanuts? Why are they so woke?”
“So I just heard about this new thing the other day, have you heard about it? White power?” (Delivered ironically, but not too ironically.)
“Get this, according to rumors actress Sydney Sweeney is now dating that wonky, honky hunk Stephen Miller, can you believe that?” (ask all guests if they have heard about this, insist that it is true.)
“On my way into the studio this morning a homeless guy came up to me. He asked for a few bucks, so I said to him…well, I actually didn’t say anything, I just euthanized him.”
“So that J.D. Vance guy, huh (hold for applause), he’s so charismatic and filled with natural leadership ability that it makes me want to fuck a couch. Don’t laugh guys. That one’s not actually a joke.”
This is the complete list of FCC approved late night monologue content. Use of any other monologue set ups will be considered a violation of federal law.